I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
