why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The beer is more important than you right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
