1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
