Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
