the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
