I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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