I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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