Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
