You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
