i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
