I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
