no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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