pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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