I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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