WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
