If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she was so not down for the gang bang
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize