I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
