Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
