He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How naked do you want me to be?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
