Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
