but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
