Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
