We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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