it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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