honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
