Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
