I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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