What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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