I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
