Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
