Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
