so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
