He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
