Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
