We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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