They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
