just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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