New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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