I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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