you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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