not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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