No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
