to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
