how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
