Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
