I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
