Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize