Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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