that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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