I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
