I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
