Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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