I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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