Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
