Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
