by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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