Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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