So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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