where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he fucked my hip out of place.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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