I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just invented taco cereal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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