I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
