Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
