I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
