It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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