Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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